There's No Such Thing as Love

‘ I love you.
That’s my secret.
No hearts. No pretty drawings.
No poems or cryptic messages.
      I love you.’
      The words on the T-Shirt mocked me. “Sure”, I said rolling my eyes, picking up the shirt. I went out that day to do some casual retail therapy, not to be bombarded by “the love myth”. Yet here it is, in my face. Just another propaganda by the media made to give girls like me this idea of some fascinating love that in reality, doesn’t exist. I mean, I do believe in love, don’t get me wrong. Just not the type of big screen love we see in movies. The type of love with the perfect leading man who does all the right things. The type of love where the nerd gets the pretty girl. Where even when the leading lady makes a big fool of herself, all is forgiven and ends with a kiss. An airbrushed, scripted, unrealistic love portrayed by literature and cinema, music and now t- shirts plaguing the female kind into a sort of wild goose chase to find this fanciful golden egg. The type of love that may have fooled everyone else, but not me. I know better. Real love isn’t as easy as movies make it out to be. Men aren’t that easy to find, to connect with, or fall in love with, in real life.


      I know because I’ve looked. Where are these single guys? In the movies there are tons just waiting to be found. Take it from a single girl, there are not that many guys out there. Where is this perfect guy? 6’1, employed, high credentials, perfect shape and perfect teeth who loves his mother and God and is good with children? In the movies, he’s always under your nose at work or secretly watching you from afar in some coffee shop that you both happen to go to regularly. Well, I’ve searched my job and apparently men do not work in elementary schools. With the exception of the 69 year old men in the child study team or our beloved toothless janitor (whom I’m sure someone loves very much), men are slim to none at my job. So that left looking at the coffee shop. Well, since I don’t even drink coffee, I had to first find a coffee shop. I Google mapped one that was nearby and set up shop. After that I sat not so secretly, spying on men, to see which fit the description to spy on me. Five hours and a caffeine high later, my conclusion was that guys in a coffee shop are too busy to watch anyone from afar. They are either rushing off to their own jobs or hard at work on their laptops, or enjoying a coffee with a girlfriend. The movies got me again.
      Secondly, there is no magic connection. Despite what movies say, you won’t fall in love by the second date. It takes work to find out if you’re compatible with someone. At first it seems easy. Yet, those seemingly relaxed conversations and texts about nothing are really ways to feel each other out. There is no scripted witty banter or shrewd quips. This process is crucial to finding out whether the guy has trust issues or truth issues, job issues or club issues. You need to know whether he is a mama’s boy or is looking for a mama. If he doesn’t want any kids or has far too many. Or he may like midgets. I wish I were making a bad joke, but this obscure revelation was once made to me on a date. I met this guy that seemed pretty cool. He was employed, had a Masters degree, and was pretty funny. We went out a few times. He took me to see a movie (a romantic comedy of course). Yet during our third date, this quirky obsession came out. He began to talk about how much he liked midgets. He spoke of how they made him smile and how when he opened his company he would only hire midgets as employees.  No lie, he rambled on about midgets for a whole half hour before I made up some excuse and burned rubber back home. So unlike movies, you can’t know ‘from the moment you met him’ that this guy is right for you. You really have to take time to know who someone really is.
      Lastly, the thing movies don’t tell you is that real love hurts. The movie fades to black but real life goes on. And people fight and people cry and people leave. There are no steamy resolutions staged with perfectly timed rain. Real love hurts. It hurts so bad that sometimes you’d prefer a broken neck to a broken heart. Movies don’t tell you that love is a risky thing. It’s knowing that someone could break your heart but trusting that they won’t. It’s fooling yourself into believing a lie.  The lie being that love means you could keep someone forever, yet knowing that a person can’t be kept. People are free to stay or go as they please. Yet, you hope and wish and pray to everything you believe in that they choose to stay with you. And even after all that … sometimes they don’t.
      My parents didn’t. Neither did my friends’ folks. Or politicians, or even the actors that portray this perfect love. So why should I believe in it? Why should I put my guard down? Why should I put my heart at this risk?
 “Would that be all miss?” 
My thoughts interrupted by the salesgirl. I stood inside the store T-shirt in hand. I looked down at it, turning the thought over in my mind.
‘ I love you.
That’s my secret.
No hearts. No pretty drawings.
No poems or cryptic messages.
      I love you.’
 ‘That’s my secret’… I looked again at the shirt. It spoke of love without these pretenses. A love unlike those in movies.  The simplicity intrigued me and yet, unnerved me, for it spoke my secret.  I bit my lip nervously and handed the shirt to the sales girl. I took a deep breath and shakily answered,
  “Yes. I think I’ll try it.”


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Meet the author: Izzie

Izzie attends Teachers' College at Columbia University pursuing a Master's Degree as a Literacy Specialist and Deaf Education.  She loves teaching her first grade kiddies, she advocates the TV show "The Game" (as all should), and she lives with her faithful companion, the very loyal, Birdie the cat.
Let's wish our special guest author a very happy 25th birthday on Dec. 17!!