Have I gone mad? No. I've simply conformed. I watched a special on our good ol' buddy Tiger Woods today when up until this point, I had been removed from all reports on the man. But today ESPN really pushed my buttons. They reported that Tiger has been on the cover of The New York Post 17 times in respect to his infidelity. More headlines than our very own 9/11 tragedy!! How f*ckin ridiculous!! This sports icon, this super hero with a golf club, this well poised, articulate creature has been exposed of his transgressions and has earned as much attention as if he hit a golf ball into the moon's orbit. There have been talks of those who are disappointed in him, about how some of his endorsements will keep him while others have turned their backs. But my only question is, when will this cheating man be held accountable for his actions? When is any cheater really held accountable for his (this post is strictly referring to men) actions? What is the ultimate consequence?
I talked to this guy who told me a man's professional life shouldn't be intertwined with his personal. Because no one is perfect and blah blah blah. He said that all the men he looks up to have cheated on their wives: Michael Jordan, Martin Luther King, Jr, now Tiger Woods... and the list goes on. He told me the regard he has for these men has nothing to do with their infidelity. And all of this is coming from a man who has also cheated on his lady. So again I wonder where the accountability lies. Cheating celebs fuel the media while the media practically makes a mockery of cheating. They ridicule you, they criticize you and then they're rubbing elbows with you in two months once the press dies down, the wife has forgiven you and all your endorsements have come to their senses. These men are on the forefront of the public's eyes. They are all we see as long as we have any connection to the outside world, hence avoidance is impossible. We learn from their mistakes and in these lessons we see, forgiveness is a sure shot in the end.
Cheating is now an unavoidable hurdle in a relationship like an argument or a disagreement that is bound to happen. A man cheats, he gets caught and his girl gets over it. And if she doesn't, she dumps him and she is now miserable because aside from this escapade, he was really a great guy. So let's just say, in all likelihood, she will forgive him because he really is sorry and understands and regrets the pain he has caused. Ironically, my friend Rodney said on his FB status today that even if a man admits his faults, doesn't mean he learns his lesson. So if this man moves on or weasels his way back into good standing with his scorned girlfriend, the likeliness of cheating to reoccur hasn't changed. As there is no real consequence, no real accountablity. At worst, a few endorsements drop you, a few grimaces at the grocery store.
So with nothing really to lose, from here on out it's conclusive, being faithful is for suckas. And I'm just way too cool.
SB: Will a man ever step face to face with his right hand man and say, "Damn bro, you really messed up."? Wonder if that would make a difference...*shrugs*
Don't mind me... I'm just venting...
Yeah, it was a good read. Nothing we don't know already. "Almost" all men cheat and "almost" all women forgive them and take them back. And...probably 50% and growing of women cheat (I watch Maury every day) and men forgive them and take them back and...take care of the kid who isn't their own biological child. How bout them apples. I've yet to cheat on anyone to date. If I want to be free to frolic, I stay single, tell women that that is want I want and not to let their heart get caught up. Or I find a woman and I'm faithful. Why straddle the fence? Do what you want and try not to hurt anybody in the process.
ReplyDeleteSo A.S. Y not take a stab at the posed question. If ya best homeboy cheated on his lady, would you confront him? Would you hold him accountable?? That's my whole concern. There's NO ONE standing up against cheaters. No super hero cheater fighter to contest their antics. You said you don't cheat, and that's a beautiful thing but not every man holds those same values. Perhaps religion shaped u up. But who or what reinforces that. Where's the constant reminder that cheating is damaging to lives?? All we got is Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryants of the world showing us, forgiveness is a sure shot in the end...
ReplyDeleteThanks a bunch for your comment!!
great post.
ReplyDeleteand very thought provoking, may i add. this coming from a man/blogger who pretty much subscribes to the philosophy that (not everyone, but...) a large majority of men and woman, single and married, sleep/have slept with others besides their significant other.
why? well, i'd say the proof is in the pudding. immorality is a shining truth that cannot be denied.
it's pretty much sensationalized in society today. the media, gossip, even best selling authors have made quite a name for themselves, writing books which endlessly cast husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends as sex addicts.
this is what is being witnessed and heard and read about. so, therefore, this is the atmosphere which is often imitated.
too funny @ infidelity given Tiger Woods even more publicity.
Very well put Don!! The proof damn sure is in the pudding!! And like they say, It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. I focused on men in this post because its the male icons we constantly see in the media being glorified, then scrutinized, and then glorified again. But you're right, it's with men and women alike. But who's doing the most forgiving. Men don't even like to think of the men that were with their lady before him, let alone a man who took at stab at her while they were together. But to hell with it all, relationships will go on and cheating will remain... so let's all get down... (deep down inside, this ails me like you wouldn't believe...)
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and most importantly for your comment!!
"SB: Will a man ever step face to face with his right hand man and say, "Damn bro, you really messed up."? Wonder if that would make a difference...*shrugs*"
ReplyDeleteAll the time, but it doesn't change the fact that he may do it again. Bordem is typically the cause for cheating. You know those nights when your thinkin "im not givin him any." He thinkin boys she is a boring fool and every other woman becomes more interesting.
The sole deterrent from cheating is the heartbreak it may cause someone. Really nothing else really comes into play. Men will always want more woman..
~Some Random Smart Dude~
Just curious... Some Random Smart Dude... Does "smart" represent intelligence?? Or r u jus a smart-ass?? I'm more curious to kno how old you may be. How can you (you in general, not YOU per se, my anonymous friend) be so thirsty for sex that the nite ya lady isn't up for it, you find it elsewhere. Is it so abrupt that you get out of bed immediately or do you save this "sex another for free" pass for another nite?? That's probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard a man admit (behind the disguise of anonymous). Don't subject a woman to this clear obsession for sex vs a relationship. You should remain single and problem solved.
ReplyDeleteAnd I actually admire your attempt to confront your cheating homies, that shows nobility especially in the midst of the rest of your comment. Keep it up, as sincerely as possible and maybe you can start a revolution =)
Thanks a lot for your comment!! And for taking the time 2 read
To the random smart dude bordem is not an excuse...i find it very hard to be bord in today's society with all the technology. Get a hobby, Go to school, read a book, serf the web, get a job : if you aleady have one get a 2nd one, videp games, tv, listen to musice....with all of these activities how can you be bord?
ReplyDeleteSecondly, why does your woman have to entertain you? in that manor?
I personally think somewhat with that mindset is awfully young as J said...cuz a grown ass man wouldnt think about it. I am not saying grown men don't cheat but i bet he doesn't cheat because he was "BORD":-/
Andrea : "MEN GURU"
All men don't cheat but cheating is usually a result of what stage you are in your life or relationship. When I was a teenager I was off the hook. Captain of the football team and did who ever I wanted when I wanted, but when I got into a serious relationships I was faithful. I was married and faithful to that and it didn't work out anyway. It's all about where you are mentally. I'm 29 and have 2 little girls I don't have time play bachelor. We put these celebrity's in high regard like they wrote the book on life. People aren't faithful because they aren't true to themselves. We don't know what Tiger went through with his wife or if he ever had to forgive her for cheating. You think all of these guys Tiger, Kobe wifes all have been faithful. I doubt it we just don't hear about it.
ReplyDeleteOk, so let me get this straight? As a man, your asking me to be faithful although tons of stunning women (who know Im married or in a relationship)persistantly throw themselves at me becuase Im very successful. Did I say stunning women?! I ask the women this honest question, how can I remain faithful under such dreamy tempting frequent conditions? Do you not know the historical socialization of men? From the time we are young, we discuss conquering/ having sex with many different women. Now, before you deem this behavior disgusting, most men are not lucky enough to achieve this nor do many have the confidence to go after the sexy vixen most guys dream of. So many women will let go of their well trained criteria (taught by their hard working moms and sometimes dad) of how to select a suitable partner, thus ending up heart broken only to say, he treated me wrongly. Its so amazing to see a beatiful women push up on a man they know or think is successful. This is a man's dream situation! But its also sad becuase shes has made herself vulnerable without knowing what kind of guy he really is. And your asking men to hold each other accountable given this phenonmenon?! Yeah, I'll loose that fight every time.
ReplyDeleteSo when we talk about Tiger, the proper context is that dude was thrown puss...like it was going out of style. Dudes who have not experienced this, can not begin to judge until they live in the shoes of a man who experiences this.
Im done
FDO
Anonymous, your comment is so bogus I'm starting to believe you're a joke. So since you're done, i find no reason to entertain it... but thanks nonetheless for your contribution.
ReplyDeleteChamp you made a very good point. If you aren't faithful, you aren't being true to yourself!! Unless of course you have no sense of loyalty or honor. And I don't put anything past anyone when it comes to cheating but I can't say that Tiger's Wife, Elin, did or didn't cheat. But the possibility of cheating isn't the scope of my post, it's a matter of who will take accountability for their actions. When will celebs begin honoring marriage or commitment n such a way that will subliminally embedd the notion in our minds. To put us in a trance where our eyes are spinning circles and our arms are pointed forward in a zombie like way and we're all chanting "I will never cheat..." A bit unrealistic I know...
But thanks for your comment (and your support)
Sister Squared, you Men Guru... very good comment!! Whoever is bored in 2009 is a mega lame!! The world is our oyster!! And I've said the same thing, since when have women been placed on this earth to entertain!?!?! If you're bored or your woman bores you, dump her... don't cheat on her... this shit seems so simple to me... smh
Looks like I'll be a sucka then! Don't know where to start, but accountability and responsibility are issues that we, as a society, have trouble grasping. So, I guess on the large scale, this is a microcosm of a bigger problem. Anyway, back to the blog. Me, personally, I don't cheat, but I can only speak for myself. I've been lucky to have both parents stay together all my life, so that is the model I follow. I do understand that not everyone has been afforded that model. As for the last part of the blog, I don't confront my right hand man and try to lecture him. It's not like he doesn't understand right from wrong, he just doesn't care; he's gonna do him regardless.
ReplyDelete@ Ladies.
ReplyDeleteVideo Game = Whack
Books = Whack
TV = Whack
Music = Whack^2
The Chase/ Hunt/ Mystery of a Woman's Mine = Very Entertaining
Also take this for thought. The only dude who really don't cheat are those too ugly, to small, or too busy.
So you take a guy whos not ugly, well hung, and his woman is boring due to her attitude of trying to "tame" her man. She's getting cheated on most likely by the next one. She too was once entertaining..
Single forever
@ Anonymous with the great prarenting, God bless your soul. You are a rarity not only because you grew up with both parents but because the divorce rate is over 50% and your parents stood the test of time. And I'll assume cheating wasn't an issue in your parents' relationship which foritifies your belief and determination to be faithful in your own relationships. As for your friend who doesn't care, oh he cares, he just doesn't know any better. And if he knew better, he would do better.
ReplyDelete@ Single forever... just please stay that way and don't let the girls your dealing with think otherwise...
Thanks so much for your comments!!
J. I have spoken to my friends and family members who have cheated and asked them why they don't just stay single. They say that they want a main chick and then others
ReplyDeleteI understand the sexual drive, but I don't get the lying part. Am I the superhero? No and for 3 reasons.
One, I am not apart of their relationship and it's not my job to police their relationship. People have to wake up and look at their circumstances and realize what is going on. The truth is usually smacking them in the face. But their so called love is blinding them.
Two, so often when the person finds out that their being cheated on, they get mad. But a week later they've forgiven the person and taken them back. Help yourself first, this person betrayed YOU, not me.
Three, what is the punishment that they're being held accountable too. This isn't murder. Only people in the relationship can hold that person accountable. The victims wont listen to their friends when they tell them to leave and start fresh.
@ A.S. if I see a little kid getting beat up in the street, I'd try to break it up, if I see a girl getting her butt kicked by her boyfriend, I'm calling the cops. I don't have to have an investment in something to feel like it's my responsibility to step in and help if I can. The attitude, "oh its not my problem" is what has led us to where we are in life now. NO ONE wants to be held accountable, not the cheater, not the mistress, and not the ones nearest it all. And whoever says, "i want a main and others" is just a wack individual lol
ReplyDelete